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We've been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, probably grasped more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she has strong opinions. I attempt to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a trip abroad I know well many times and lived in for a while. I tried to share advice, however, my input unappreciated. She purely solely sought validation of her plans. I've just ended 30 days in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute here. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be successful in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they have a story about themselves they won't release since their identity relies on it and it represents they've known. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present defensively before reflecting your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you peace knowing you were open and direct.